Live Like No One's Blogging

Wear your Uggs like people weren’t  sick of them in ‘03 because they’re the warmest shit you own.

Eat Halloween candy like you won’t have a muffintop in your Lady GaGa hotpants.

Fall down the stairs like you’ve got to get rid of that pregnancy before your boyfriend finds out.

Eat lasagna like Garfield.

Sweat like it won’t … stain.

Drink two cups of coffee before an important one-on-one meeting like the other guy isn’t trying desperately not to inhale because your mouth smells like rotting meat.

Dye your own hair like you won’t get some nasty brown stain on your ears.

Buy an iPod like a newer, better version won’t come out in two weeks.

Pee like no one’s in the stall next to you.

Scratch like it won’t spread.